Robo Tunes

There's a series of Youtube videos featuring robots singing popular music? Intrigued? Here's a taste -

This Is Not A Farewell

I have started something new. As of an hour ago I have started my own blog. Now, to quickly put to rest the fears of the readers, this is not an act of aggression towards "Da Dawg House", this will always be my home, I just made a blog to fit more of my needs. This does not mean I will stop writing here, in fact if anything it means you all will have a second place to read something by me.
I'm going to post a link, I hope you enjoy it. Right now I have an introduction and a short story I wrote posted.

http://whenmenworehats.blogspot.com/

Enjoy.

All the U's stoners, oddly going to one formal venue

Yes, of course I am talking about the Tim and Eric Awesome Show tour. It happens in t-minus three hours. All I must do is get through one advertising class and decide whether or not to have a drink first. (My current thought = no. I'd like to remember this event.) Sorry, this was a pointless blog post. But maybe you'll like your life more if you go to Adult Swim's website and watch some full episodes of "Tom Goes to the Mayor."

Everyone needs a bit of Pipe Camp.

Rock?

Anyone know the band The Gaslight Anthem?

Probz, they're on The Current sort of frequently.

Anyway, I just got their record and it's pretty damn badass. Sounds like a punky Springsteen without a hint of irony. Mmmm.



Wiki!

MySpace!

Review!

A Long History, and Introduction

One day, many years ago, I heard the name Tony Libera. It was thrown out casually by a co-writer on this blog, though my at the time drunken stupor doesn't allow me to recollect which, Jay or Andrew, either works. I had, at that time, not been formally introduced to Tony, or Tone the Bone as I sometimes affectionately refer to him as. I did, however, hear many great tales of his valor, among other stories involving various acts and descriptive qualities of greatness.

I don't really recall the exact time, but I'd hazard a guess it was junior year of highschool-ish, that being Fall 2004, Spring 2005. Although that is a fairly large length of time, my dual addiction to both heroin and perscription pain killers leaves me with hardly any chance to remember it vividly. Tony's name was originally thrown out due to his entrance into a relationship with a previously misplaced girlfriend of mine, who's name I will not utter here. What could have easily kindled into a blazing hatred, due to my commonly occurring personality trait of intense bitterness, was inevitably cooled to a calm understanding that this was a man I wouldn't cross in anger.

Now here I think I must say something of importance. I have never met or been introduced to Tony Libera. I have, however stumbled across his path on at least one occasion. The last, and possibly only, recollection I have of seeing Tony is this past summer at Loring Park at the previously mentioned ex-girlfriend's concert. He was looking sprite and healthy, and I assumed he could kill at least a half dozen men in a round nine seconds.

In the end, I would like to make my first post on this prestigious blog a formal introduction between fellow writers. Hey Tony, I'm Ian. Nice to meet you on the internet. I hope this unravels a new beginning to a friendship formed, like many others, through the ultimate transitional friend that is Jay Boller.

Goddamn Rick Warren

Obama's inauguration was largely inspirational.

But, as expected, Rich Warren's presence was an obvious hindrance.

His speech was hardly a speech - it was a prayer.

For the growing number of people who chose not to worship deities, this was uncomfortable, to say the least.

For those who happen to belong to the gay community - roughly 1 in 10 of us - this was downright awful. That's not to say gays are godless, but Warren was adamantly in favor of Prop 10 and harbors many anti-gay beliefs.

Obama said he chose Warren in order to bring ALL Americans together, but Warren's divisive and hateful beliefs do all they can to tear America further apart.

To top his rambling, fat and sweaty prayer off, Warren read us The Lord's prayer. That is to say, The Christian Lord's prayer.

Great day, historic day, one awful choice.

Also, never has karma been more visually evident as was when Cheney's evil ass was forced to wheel itself around.

My New Fighting Technique Is Unstoppable

David Rees' My New Fighting Technique Is Unstoppable was first introduced to me several years ago by my two older brothers. Luckily, when they showed me the book, we were at my cabin on a rainy day so I had little else to do but read through it. At first, my reactions to the clip-art comic book were along the lines of "uh...ok...wtf?", but as I kept reading I started chuckling, then giggling, then laughing pretty hard, until finally I was completely won over and my brothers and I were all struggling for air.

Rees says of his own comic , "It can't really be explained. You either get it or you don't", which is exactly what I have experienced when I try to share it with various people. Half the time the book gets handed back and people shoot me weird looks, or on the flip side I'll give it to a person who must have the same strange brain quirk as me, and they will also be thrown into fits of laughter.

Here is the comic itself, give it a few chances. Let me know your reaction.
http://www.unstoppable.com/comics.html

Seattle Weekly says of My New Fighting Technique Is Unstoppable-
Once in a while, unhinged profanity in the arts can be goddamn fucking beatific--this sentence being an obvious exception. His new minimalist comic collection, My New Fighting Technique Is Unstoppable, places Rees alongside George Carlin, Casino, and South Park in the gutter guffaw pantheon. He employs crude cut-and-paste methods with about 10 different clip-art images of karate figures to tell a breezy, ironic saga of obnoxious temple fighters who, when not relishing "giving motherfuckers a free ride in an ambulance," are uproariously aware of their existential status as static cutouts. ("What the fuck?" one ponders. "I'm stuck in permanent kicking position!")... Ridiculously brilliant and innovative.

Also check out Rees' website : http://www.mnftiu.cc/. Here you can find all of his other comics, such as the famous Get Your War On, and the all too hilarious My New Filling Technique Is Unstoppable.

EVERYONE loves sex

This is strangely quirky, kinky, romantic, and horrifying...

Enjoy!

...but please wait until you finish enjoying those gin & tonics - it may upset some sensitive stomachs.

The Perfect Gin and Tonic: A History

As far as drinks go I have made my choice. It has been etched in stone that Andrew Larson shall as frequently as possible imbibe a gin and tonic.

I've been drinking the tonic portion of the mixture for over half my lifetime, which could be seen as the catalyst for my affection towards the mixed drink. Tonic started as a summer drink, something to cut a place of comfort through the heat. And as my grandparents lawn ceased needing to be cut they continued to offer me my summer time drink of choice, and I continued to accept. And sooner then I realized it I was ordering a glass of tonic at restaurants, in the winter. The bitter taste of tonic grew to be a part of my character and demeanour. My affiliation with the alcoholic portion of my best-loved refreshment came during my middle school career. My fathers co-worker was getting married and I was asked to come and loving social gatherings, especially those involving my fathers co-workers ( I had a fondness for gently ribbing my father in front of his staff, and we had developed a rather good back-and-forth), I accepted. I, of course had a few conditions.

This was the first time in my life where I had started putting forth a great deal of effort into how I looked; my hair and clothes had taken a fore-front were before a baseball cap and a over sized plaid jacket had suited me just fine. Now I had taken to pushing my hair back, which required quite a bit of maintenance, so much so that I carried around a comb and mirror in my pocket to keep my hair in place. And so in preparation for this wedding I wanted a suit. To be slightly more specific I wanted a black suit. Of course my parents saw fit to refuse my pleas for a new suit, something I was sure to out grow with-in the year. And my grandfather gave me a suit of his, not black but navy blue. And convinced I cut a dashing figure we were off to the wedding.

At the wedding I of course ordered my traditional tonic and my father had to explain to his c0-workers why his son was drinking half of a cocktail. And soon I discovered that tonic had it's other purposes. I observed the guests ordering a gin and tonic, it seemed by beloved tonic had a cohort I had been unaware of all these years. And as the wedding goers set down their drinks to dance or mingle I made my way over to their glasses and would from time to time switch my tonic for a gin and tonic. I was in shock. I could taste the tonic yes, but there was a new and charming piny taste accompanying it. My father caught me after my second or third switch and put a quiet stop to the matter. He however explained to me why gin tastes of pine. It was the fact that the gin was distilled from juniper berries. I was surprised at my fathers knowledge of spirits considering the fact that I have never in my life witnessed him drink any alcohol, which of course is another dozen stories. However at this moment it was as if I was struck my a mixture of Dionysus and Cupid.

Now I fear I may have lingered on the history here and I will now move promptly on to the way a perfect Gin and Tonic is made.

• The quality of the gin is important but not essential. I personally use Bombay Sapphire or Tanqueray. However these aren't the most important part, a good gin and tonic is possible with a lesser gin.


• The tonic is very important, I don't think I have ever used anything besides Schweppes.


• A slice of lime is a must. It adds a different sort of bitterness that makes the tonic taste slightly different, which in this case is great. A lemon is acceptable in only dire circumstances, but never have one without the fruit.


• Now as far as portions go depending on the size of the glass I will usually put in around 2 shots of gin. You want to be able to taste the pine in the drink, masking the taste with too much tonic ruins it.


• The lime (or lemon if times are tough) should not only adorn the side of the glass but should be released of it's juice into the glass.


• Ice makes the drink complete, now you don't want to add too much ice like those bartenders would think that ice makes up for the amount of liquid in the glass, 4 cubes should do it, unless it's the summer then any amount is allowed.

I truly do hope that this is was enjoyable and helpful.

And now after all this talk of Gin and Tonics I plan to go make myself one. Yes I know it's 2:00 in the afternoon on a Sunday. Judging isn't part of the perfect gin and tonic.

Cheers!

New Cliches

Take heed all writers everywhere; there is a new cliché. Now, when teenage girls get pregnant and make a teary-eyed, self-deprecating joke about how they're a statistic, it is no longer funny. If every maudlin TV drama has thrown that line at bored viewers eating Cheerios, it is not original anymore.

Don't ever...

Don't ever mix Scotch, Fresca, Grenadine, Collins Mix, and Michelob Golden Light into one super drink.

Just don't.

Jones Street Station

Just a heads up to anyone who is looking for something to do tomorrow night. Jones Street Station is going to be playing at the Nomad on West Bank on Saturday Jan. 17th starting at 10 pm. I have reliable sources who tell me they are better live than they are on their cd (Overcome) which I have been listening to obsessively during the last two weeks (when I was given it as a gift from my brother). I love the story behind the group -- they are all Midwestern guys who are now living in New York City and most of their songs are homages to the fly-over states of their youths. It's lovely.

I don't have much time, so here are some other peoples reviews of their music and a video in which you can hear/see my favorite song of theirs being performed live...

“Listening is like running down a mountain on a switchback trail, the sound of surprise generating its own momentum. There’s a punk glee inside the bluegrass craft–and a punk vehemence inside the bluegrass smile.”– Greil Marcus

“... charming, unusually graceful music” – The New York Times

“...like 1995 Wilco with the sensibility of 2007 Wilco.” – The Onion AV Club, Milwaukee

“They play their catchy originals with virtuosic mandolin jams and honky-tonk piano fillers, and top them with off-kilter, good-time harmonies.” – Time Out New York






(I feel like I need to acknowledge the fact that, as much as I love this band, they don't really belong in a post above the Replacements, and my favorite group - The Hold Steady.)

Impression Time!

Da Dawg House is not the least bit threatened by the fey (not a typo) antics of another vastly inferior blog that will go unmentioned.

We know the degree to which we rock ass, and needless to say, it's off the charts.

But, in an attempt to not seem small and petty, we are prepared to offer (for comedic purposes), blog rendered impressions of the authors of the enemy blog! Huzzuh, indeed.






Kara Nesvig -





Annnnd!





John Sand -

Inter-generational Rocking

So I just started reading "The Replacements: All Over But the Shouting" by Jim Walsh and, I must say, my obsession with said group is reaching new heights.

I was speaking, or "Facebook chatting", I suppose, with Kelly Molloy's older brother and he put into words my adoration for The 'Mats (it happens to be his, too). Essentially, he said that The 'Mats embody the three things he most loves: Rock music, booze and Minneapolis, forming a perfect apex of - well - perfection.

But in all that idolization and worship, it hit me, The Replacements, for as much as I love them, mean so, so, so much more to those who grew up in the 1980's watching and adoring them first hand. But, thankfully, the great town of Minneapolis supplied our generation with our own group that embodies all the above things that made The 'Mats so great. I'm speaking, of course, about The Hold Steady. It comes as no surprise that The Hold Steady's frontman Craig Finn cites The Replacements as his all-time favorite group. It also comes as no surprise that they top my list, too.

Anyway, enough babbling. Here's some rock. And some pics. Which also happen to rock.

The Replacements -







The Hold Steady -

Eating like a poor person in the city when you're really just a poor person in your own apartment

Making food can be hard. Sometimes you end up with onion shells in your freezer and garlic hands. When the burden of having opposable thumbs with which to construct a snack gets too hard, McDonald's is waiting with open arches. But when it's zero degrees and the fridge must provide, you can still eat within 30 seconds of thinking about it, and get all the zing of street vendor class. Just follow this recipe:

Ingredients:
-hot dog
-bread or bun
-ketchup
-hot sauce
-GREEN hot sauce
-banana peppers

Microwave that hot dog and shove the rest in some bread. If you don't already have green hot sauce and banana peppers, you are denying yourself the good things in life.

Where to Find A Vast Sense of Contentment

My father said to me, "Son, if you ever start smoking you only smoke Camels. Unfiltered". I was around ten at the time and never expected to heed my fathers advice, I never planned on smoking. The only smoker I had ever see up close was my mother and she made it look so, so unappealing, like a chore or something that required a great deal of thought.

When I was older still my father handed me his lambskin cigarette case. I never knew why, it was coupled with his warning to never smoke, and of course at that age I had no intentions of doing so. And then things started to slowly become a more grey to me. I truly believe to true turning point was when I seriously started to watch old films. I knew what I wanted. I wanted to be Cary Grant and Bogart, and Errol Flynn. I wanted to wear a fedora and long coat and only utter the most profound and careless of lines, I wanted a cigarette. These men knew what life was. It was a drink in one hand a cigarette in the other, or in case of Bogart dangling ever so slightly in the corner of his mouth for hours on end ( a movie I have yet to perfect as well as him), but they knew a secret I didn't. And so I did what any youth who looked so much older then his current age would do: I bought a pack and tried my hand at the art of inhaling. It didn't work. By no means can what I did be considered smoking. And so it came down to me carrying around a pack, only in extreme cases of wanting to look as dashing and mysterious as I could.

So now I sit huddled near my window with a Camel filter (Sorry Pap) dropping ash onto my already ash stained keyboard and new robe, which will soon bear the markings of my nightlife of smoke and ash, still trying to look like my black and white heroes, and think awful lofty thoughts and read here for hours. And it's in these moments in which I am truly content.

Weekly Bests: Sex Talk from a Giant

The winner?

Why it's the massive: Eddy Curry!

Mr. Curry has been accused of making unwarranted sexual advances on his former friend/driver who happens to be white, Jewish and - presumably - not 6-11 and 300 lbs. like "Da Currster"

Anyways, in the midst of this lewd debacle we're also blessed to receive this oratory golden nugget (allegedly) spoken by a rather lusty Eddy Curry -

"Look at me, Dave, look. Come and touch it, Dave."

Hot. Too hot? Possibly. Anyway, for shame on Dave for not succumbing to the painful and hobbling sex he so unprofessionally turned down.



Curry on the sex-attack with someone his own size.

Firsties

Sup dawgs -

So Tony and I were reflecting on how entirely bad-ass we are, and it hit us - we're totally a million times cooler than Kara and John. Coincidently, Kara and John have recently started their own blog. Our mission? Destroy the fuck out of their new baby by sicking our rabid dawg of a beast on it in the form of a vastly superior mega blog. This happens to be it.

That said, enjoy the hardening of your dongs and/or rocking of skulls as you enjoy DA DAWG HOUSE!

In conclusion:

- ARF!

and

- Enjoy this video!